I think people expect too much from sites like this. Not everyone who turns you down, ignores your message, or fails to meet is fake or a pic collector. Some are new and nervous. Some are just checking the place out. Some are looking for online chat and nothing more. Some are super busy people and have very little free time. Sometimes people think they want this, but then they chicken out. Sometimes there is a miscommunication between partners. Sometimes vanilla responsibilities get in the way.

Not everyone is using the site the same way. The sooner people understand that, the happier they will be.

Personally, I use the site to look up profiles and contact people I've already met in real life. And I've met a LOT of people by getting out there in real life.

@ourfantasylife ~ Basic members can't post to forums. I'm not sure that really matters, though. Even on sites where it's free to use forums, only a small percentage of members actually post.

And if there is no event in your area, create one. Stop saying, "Someone should organize something." This is a sore point for me. I get it. There are so many reasons why you can't. Yeah, me too. But if you aren't willing to get off your ass and do it yourself, don't complain about the fact that no one else is doing it.

I (female half) did a survey a while back that I posted to several sites. More swingers were interested in FWB than NSA swinging. However, BOTH types complained about how hard it was to meet people online, regardless of the site. That's just the way it is. Go to events. If you want to meet and fuck, go to an on-premise event. If you want to meet and get to know people, go to meet and greets. Plenty of people that attend my events are on this site, but I didn't meet them here. If you want to fuck people or meet people in real life, then the best way to find people who want the same things is to get out there in real life. Period.

@Jandjs2018 ~ They do have a [removed] group. I sent you a PM.

Thanks to everyone who made it to the Meet and Greet tonight. We had an amazing turnout! By my count (I think I got everyone), we had 109 people there tonight.

The next event is booked for March. If you'd like to get on my mailing list, please send me a private message with your email address and first name(s).

Bump. I have 65 Yeses at the moment. Last time, we had 93 people show up. I got a lot of great feedback. Some people were so nervous and almost changed their minds, but were so happy they made it out. If you are looking to find people who are willing to meet in real life, meet and greets are a great place to do just that!

I (female half here) do like that your nude shots are not closeups. And you have some variety. That's nice to see. However, since you are asking for suggestions... Personally, I like playing with people and not just bodies. So on that note, I like to see some pictures that show a little "character". You mention that you like the outdoors and have a car, so I'd suggest taking more pictures outside. If you have a nice suit, a lot of women find men in suits hot. Or maybe well-fitted jeans with an open button that merely suggests what awaits. Hope that helps.

Dinner at a pub. A vanilla social gathering for swingers to meet in a no-pressure environment.

Posted as an event: Meet & Greet Dinner in Bedford, NS

Bump. I know there are others who participate in the forums. Let's hear your opinions.

Thanks to everyone who made it to the Meet and Greet tonight. We had an amazing turnout! By my count (I think I got everyone), we had 93 people there tonight.

This event is shaping up to be the largest yet. As numbers stand now, I'm expecting 60-80 people. I've reserved two more sections in addition to the group room. So we are going to be spread out a bit for dinner, but people should feel free to mingle after they've eaten.

I know a number of no shows are people who chicken out last minute. If there is anything I can do to reassure you, let me know. I've had a number of people tell me that they almost chickened out, but they were so happy that they didn't. People tell me all the time that they weren't sure what to expect, but everyone was so welcoming and easy to talk to.

I attempt to greet everyone as they arrive, but may not be able to do that with a group this large. Everyone who has received an invite should know my first name. Feel free to ask for me if I'm not there to greet you.

Dinner at a pub. A vanilla social gathering for swingers to meet in a no-pressure environment.

Posted as an event: Meet & Greet Dinner in Bedford, NS

We had a great turn out and I got a lot of positive feedback. Next one will likely be in November and invites will be going out soon.

The only reason we verified is to get rid of the nag on the feed.

I know several real people on this site who have not bothered to verify. Only one profile on my friend list has actually verified and all of them are people I have met in real life. I can't speak for them, but I think some real people don't care about getting verified because they don't see the need. Personally, hubby and I already have enough potential play partners on our radar that we've already met in real life so we don't need to prove ourselves to anyone.

Filtering by verified certainly improves your chances of actually meeting "someone" on this site, but it also drastically narrows your prospects. And that's just the way it is. It's not likely to change unless the site starts offering some pretty sweet incentives.

I prefer to get out in the real world. That has worked well for us.

We rarely meet people one-on-one (or two-on-two) until the second (or third or fourth) meet. First meet is almost always at an event. My husband and I live several provinces apart so our time together is extremely restricted. I'm not willing to invest that limited time in a stranger (no matter how hot their pics are) and I don't chat online. I use this site to reconnect with people we've met at events.

Sites like this have plenty of pic collectors, online chatters, tire kickers, and fakes. But there are most definitely real people here. In my opinion, the quickest way to find other real people is to go to an event. I hosted a local meet and greet last night. We had 38 people in attendance. Six of those heard about the event here. Several of those who knew about the event through other channels also have a profile on this site. Some of those that didn't have a profile here, plan to create one now.

The event was advertised on here and 4 other sites and also through word of mouth. Most people that were in attendance heard about it through word of mouth or a very active local FB group. The rest were evenly spread across swinger websites.

You might not meet a specific person you've had your eye on at an event. But if you put yourself out there, you will meet plenty of real people. And the more swingers you know, the more you'll meet. It's all about networking.

I (female half) have a separate single female profile on this site. I set it up to test a few bugs I was reporting that required interaction between profiles. I have left it in place because it allows me to preemptively block people on this profile. Well, I don't actually block them, but I add a note to their profile. If they ever want to come to one of my events, I want to remember how they behaved online.

My single female profile has zero pics and zero details. Match settings are as minimal as I could make them. My description basically says that I'm testing the site and do not to contact me. It's short and to the point.

The attention that profile gets is disheartening. Every time I log on, it triggers a flood of activity. The profile gets messages from people who say they like my profile (read: my gender and relationship status) and want to see my private albums (which are empty). It gets lots of friend requests and winks with default text.

I generally don't respond to messages, but occasionally I can't stop myself. I'm polite and suggest that they should read my profile. I explain that people who don't read profiles are the number one turn off that is discussed on sites like this. They always (100% of the time) turn nasty.

It's enough to turn any new person away from a site like this for good. Unfortunately, it also scares people away from events. They don't want to run into those people. But here's the thing... those people don't show up in the real world. I've had some RSVP to my public events. Some RSVP to every single one. They never show. Not once.

I doubt any of those incels spend much time in the forums, but just in case they are reading this... there is a real life network of lifestyle friends out there. Whenever someone goes from nice to nasty in 60 secs, they burn a whole lot of bridges at once.

@missbliss ~ It does tend to be almost exclusively couples, but singles are allowed to attend.

It seems few people know about the vouch feature, and few people make use of those kinds of features. Just like very few have verified, even the ones I know for a fact are real. You do have to be friends to vouch for someone and I'm pretty sure you have to write something. I vouch for people I've met in real life. There is no reason to assume what kind of relationship we have with anyone I've vouched for. Most of my real life friends are in the lifestyle and we've only played with a fraction of them. The only thing you can assume from our friend list is that I have met them in real life. Considering I host meet and greets, the only thing that tells you is that they show up in the real world. And that's just us. Other people might have a different friend policy. Making assumptions is almost always a bad idea.

@HappyAgain ~ I agree. I find "matches" more of an annoyance than anything. It would seem the people who "voted" for more matches are not active in the forums at all.

The number of matches on my home page jumped dramatically one day. And I noticed that all the new "matches" were not matches at all. I reported this bug to support and was informed that "searches are widened when you return a very small number of matches" because "when [they] conducted a survey recently members stated that they wanted access to more matches".

Huh? If members want more matches, why don't they expand their own criteria settings? I really don't like having my match criteria being expanded to suit the needs of someone else.

So, I'm curious, who actually voted for this? How many people want to see matches outside the criteria they have set?

Numbers always fluctuate right up until the last minute, but at the moment 15 couples have said yes. We get some regulars and some newbies at each event.

I can think of a few reasons why someone would send an initial message and then ghost. As Gmbtcouple12 stated, maybe they are sending messages without reading profiles. The majority of the people on my so-called "match" screen, aren't actually matches. Maybe they meant to reply, but wanted to talk to their spouse first, and then life got in the way. Maybe they are new and don't know how to let people down easily. Maybe they've had bad experiences with letting people down and have decided ghosting is safer. Maybe they were looking for someone to chat with at the time and now they are busy.

Bottom line. If they are interested, they will get back to you. If they don't get back to you, move on.

No response IS a response. If they were interested, then they would respond. Why do you need it spelled out for you? Some people think it's rude not to respond. Rudeness is subjective. I think expecting a response demonstrates an entitled attitude, which is a complete turn off for me.

I took a negotiationn/communication workshop a few years back and one technique really stuck with me. Basically, let someone know you are interested, let them know to come find you if they are interested, and then walk away. It works in real life. It works online. It works for singles. It works for couples. No one is put on the spot. No one has to let anyone down gently. No one has to deal with rejection.

When we contact people, we let them know what we are interested in and say, "If you are interested, let us know." And we leave it at that.

Dinner at a pub. A vanilla social gathering for swingers to meet in a no-pressure environment.

Posted as an event: Meet & Greet Dinner in Bedford, NS

@Annandbruno24 ~ No need to calm down. You are apparently reading tone where there is none. Interesting take on my words.

I, however, took your words at face value. You told me that I was making assumptions (which was an assumption itself), told me that I was wrong, told me that I should accept rude message like you do. And I merely pointed out that it's very ironic that you feel it's not your place to stop people from jumping into your inbox and including you in their fantasies without your permission, but you have no problem telling me how I should feel, think, and act when I simply state my feelings on a public forum and make a suggestion -- not demand -- to a site I have just as much right to as any other member.

@Friends4Life ~ The way I've written our profile, the whole thing is pretty much a code word. LOL I know instantly whether someone has read our profile or not based on the content of their message. Nothing has been block-worthy so far (on this profile), but I have added a LOT of profile notes because I want to keep the history without having to star the message. My other profile is a single female profile, I block several people a day on that one. It's insane. And when I block someone there, I add a note about them/him from this profile.

I hate the Wink feature. Basic and Premium members can block them, too. We never use the Wink feature and I have customized our Wink to basically say, "Sorry, we clicked the button by accident." I have chosen not to block Winks, though, for two reasons. One, receiving a Wink tells me something about them instantly. Two, I don't like the auto-responder text. I've made a suggestion that we be allowed to customize that.

So do people actually tell you that they received a Wink bounce and still don't bother to read your profile and respect what's written there? Wow!

I'm a web developer and have found a number of actual bugs. I've submitted these bugs as well as suggestions. They have said that they really appreciate all my feedback. Their statements have been more than the polite form letter type stuff except for one suggestion where they basically said "we'll take it under advisement", so I believe they are sincere. However, as a developer, I know changes take a lot of time and money. Unless you've got Google/Facebook resources, it's slow going.

They made the photo verification search more prominent and made it available only to people who are themselves verified. Unfortunately, it appears to have had zero effect so far, in my area at least. They did say that they were considering offering a week of trial Premium to people who verify. So they are trying.

I know plenty of people do read profiles. I have seen a reduction in noise when I tweak our profile. The main problem is that finding genuine people on a dating site who are also compatible is like finding a needle in a haystack, which is why I don't use these sites to find potential partners. For me, these sites are an extension of the real world rather than a doorway into the real world.

@Annandbruno24 ~ I'm not saying "almost everything about this site is annoying" and I don't see anyone else saying that either. I also don't see anyone who LIKES to receive rude messages from people who didn't read their profile. I belong to several sites and have been around for years. I have never once seen that. I have seen and heard numerous people say that they do NOT like it, at all. And if you've ever been on a site as a single female, it's at least 10 times worse.

You've learned to accept the rude messages. Good for you. Just because we have come to expect bad behaviour does NOT make said behaviour acceptable. And as I already said, I know I can't change other people's behaviour. That doesn't mean the site should promote and encourage bad behaviour.

I'm not having admin make changes. I'm requesting changes. Changes I think would improve the site. I'm not alone in my opinion, either. And if enough people express agreement, perhaps the site owner will choose to make the change. And then those in the minority will have to learn to accept that.

I find it extremely ironic that you are telling me what I should and should not expect/accept because of what you have chosen to do all while telling me that we should all live and let live. If you want to accept rude messages as par for the course, I'm not stopping you. So why do you feel the need to tell me what changes I have the right to request?

@Friends4Life ~ Good to know about the privacy setting. Strange that support seems to be clueless about it.

I appreciate comments and likes. Views are pretty meaningless to me, especially since the count seems to be broken. I opened another account for testing. One hover (not a click) resulted in the other profile being notified of 20 profile views (not mini profile). No wonder people misconstrue my view as interest. I have found a number of bugs in the activity feed. I've played with my match settings and the results are whacked. I've reported the bugs and they are supposed to be looking into it.

In addition to match bugs, this site promotes bad etiquette by making it extremely easy to message someone without ever reading their profile, and they even suggest it with their match text: "X may interest you because they are a match. Why not take a look at their profile or drop them a message." I'd really like to see them get rid of the "drop them a message" text. I also think they should get rid of the message boxes from the feed, unless it's a message. I think they should get rid of the message button from most places on the site. I think people should have to visit the profile in order to initiate a message.

I'm not naive enough to think that forcing someone to the profile before sending a message will actually make them read it, though. In the end, I try to be thankful that rude and entitled idiots reveal themselves so quickly. The problem is that some people are just clueless about what's considered good and bad etiquette, and I think the site should stop encouraging bad etiquette.

Regarding the "like that you viewed" messages that prompted this post, I don't really know if others see it as good or bad etiquette or just indifferent. I don't know what's going through the minds of people when they click Like on the views in their feed. Do they stop to ponder how it comes across to the other person? To me, it's creepy. Though, I can imagine it as a lame attempt at flirting or that they mindlessly like everything in their feed or they are desperate for attention. Regardless, it turns me off.

What do you consider kinky?  Have you looked into FetLife? There is an active kink community in Ottawa with plenty of munches and other events happening all the time.