Messaging ..... anyone else frustrated at the lack of responses...even ones to say sorry not interested.... I especially like the ones that send YOU a message and you respond .... And nothing.... like why did YOU message US in the first place.
So my question do you respond to all messages even just to say not interested.... do you ignore them.. . Etc
We are actually going to stop responding when not interested. The angry and rude responses after I've spent the time to politely say no has been shocking.
We've been told we were discriminating because we weren't interested in a couple WAY outside our age range. That was... unexpected. LOL
Our awkward situation is that we don't date profiles without guy pictures which is bolded and highlighted on our page. If we respond honestly, we are in trouble if the couple then sends such photos and the Mrs declines. That is basically a gut punch to the fellow.
What is your generic response that lets people down easy?
We always thank the people for reaching out and talking to us and then tell them unfortunately we both were not feeling the connection we needed and we wish them good luck. We are all adults but at the same time we never want people walking away from us being upset, so we are always as positive and grateful as we can be.
Personally, we received a "Sorry it's not a unanimous attraction here" and that was the most amazing response we've had yet. It's honest yet vague enough that neither of us could say it was one or the other.
Ya it should be fun for both, not "takin one for the team".
I'm a smartass so after receiving that I turned to the wife and apologized for being butt ugly. Hahahaha. We laughed and kept scrolling. People need to lighten up.
No response IS a response. If they were interested, then they would respond. Why do you need it spelled out for you? Some people think it's rude not to respond. Rudeness is subjective. I think expecting a response demonstrates an entitled attitude, which is a complete turn off for me.
I took a negotiationn/communication workshop a few years back and one technique really stuck with me. Basically, let someone know you are interested, let them know to come find you if they are interested, and then walk away. It works in real life. It works online. It works for singles. It works for couples. No one is put on the spot. No one has to let anyone down gently. No one has to deal with rejection.
When we contact people, we let them know what we are interested in and say, "If you are interested, let us know." And we leave it at that.
if they send us a message and we respond and they don't respond back that makes me scratch my head ... it's like YOU sent US a message.... ?
An actual message or a wink? Because I'm convinced that there's alot of people that go to their match screen and just spam as many winks as they can without even reading profiles until they receive a reply.
I can think of a few reasons why someone would send an initial message and then ghost. As Gmbtcouple12 stated, maybe they are sending messages without reading profiles. The majority of the people on my so-called "match" screen, aren't actually matches. Maybe they meant to reply, but wanted to talk to their spouse first, and then life got in the way. Maybe they are new and don't know how to let people down easily. Maybe they've had bad experiences with letting people down and have decided ghosting is safer. Maybe they were looking for someone to chat with at the time and now they are busy.
Bottom line. If they are interested, they will get back to you. If they don't get back to you, move on.
Gmbtcouple12 said they we discriminating, we are new hear and Ifind that strange, Looking for playmates in your age range 9We say right in our profile that we want playmates in our age range) is strictly because we want to build lastign friendships in and out of the bedroom with these people and honestly if you are 25 and I am 56 there is no way we will be able to relate to each other. We are not into this lifestyle for for just sex (but its a great bonus) its having friends that relate like we do. We have playmates that we have been best friends for over 10 years, we relate to each other and we play BONUS. Idont think not interested in someone outside your age range (which will be different for everyone) can be called discriminating.
Ya that was the point. It was a completely ridiculous response to being "rejected". Some people here don't take rejection very well. So best to just shrug your shoulders, laugh, and move on.
We may not be what everyone is looking for and that is 100% fine, but still if you get a message from someone then it should be safe to assume they are interested and they hould at least respond. I believe our profile says enough about us and the photos show enough to give you a good idea about us, (of course contacting us is the best way) we just believe that a response is always required one way or the other.
We are just turned off by everyone using the IN HOUSE messaging system If people can't take the time to write a personal email We are pretty sure they are not for us as they don't even put in the effort to make it personal shows you that the conversation people are expecting at a first meeting is going to be very Limited
Quote by FillHerDeep
We are just turned off by everyone using the IN HOUSE messaging system If people can't take the time to write a personal email We are pretty sure they are not for us as they don't even put in the effort to make it personal shows you that the conversation people are expecting at a first meeting is going to be very Limited
You are very right. I never thought about it that way, but if you can't write a message saying "hi" how will you converse in person? Guess that's why we don't use the winks....we prefer sending a short message to start conversations
That brings us to another comment (which may be a different form question) we often get invites to view private albums from people who have never even sent us a "Hello mesage" or even tried to contact us before sending us their invite. We usually just ignore those as I find it strange you want to exchange private photos with someone you have never spoken too. Do others accept the invite or are we being rud eby ignoring them? We would like to get to know someone a little before we exchange private photos.
Quote by Clgycpl2020
That brings us to another comment (which may be a different form question) we often get invites to view private albums from people who have never even sent us a "Hello mesage" or even tried to contact us before sending us their invite. We usually just ignore those as I find it strange you want to exchange private photos with someone you have never spoken too. Do others accept the invite or are we being rud eby ignoring them? We would like to get to know someone a little before we exchange private photos.
We will send an album as we are discrete and don't want random people to see our faces on a swinging site but recognize thre has to be some attraction in order to even think of playing.
Quote by Clgycpl2020
That brings us to another comment (which may be a different form question) we often get invites to view private albums from people who have never even sent us a "Hello mesage" or even tried to contact us before sending us their invite. We usually just ignore those as I find it strange you want to exchange private photos with someone you have never spoken too. Do others accept the invite or are we being rud eby ignoring them? We would like to get to know someone a little before we exchange private photos.
It says right in our profile that we are not interested in pic swapping. I ignore album invites. I ignore winks, too. It says right in our profile that we prefer to meet at events and don't chit-chat online.
I always respond. I think if someone has taken the effort to send a message (no matter the content/lack of content), I think it's the polite thing to do, and it really doesn't take much time & or effort - in my opinion.
We reply to all actual messages, whether we are interested or not.. What we do not reply to are immediate album invites and winks.. However we do hate the constant looks in our profile and likes but not getting a message. Geez people if you have interest be adult and send an actual message, we will tell you straight away if we would like to connect or if not interested. We make notes on profiles of who we connect with instead of blocking. We only block if absolute necessary.
Quote by 1funcouple4fun
However we do hate the constant looks in our profile and likes but not getting a message.
And I feel the complete opposite of that. I feel it very strongly. I absolutely do NOT want people jumping into our inbox to say they like our profile. I do specifically state that on our profile, but a number of people don't read or don't respect that.
I take no issue whatsoever with someone checking out our profile and liking our pictures. If I didn't want people to see them, I wouldn't put them out there. But our profile is simply a way for us to communicate with people we've already met. Or for allowing people to get in touch with me regarding the events I organize.
Just because someone likes your pictures does not mean they are interested in chatting or meeting.
And a profile view is completely meaningless. I am extremely careful not to hover over avatars which triggers a view, but it still happens far too often when scrolling through our feed or forums. It also happens often when I click X on a notification.
What I find really annoying is when someone likes that I viewed their profile. I hide the activity for people who do that. For one thing, I didn't actually view their profile. Two, if they want to like something, I would prefer they like our pictures or profile.
Quote by trooper4
There is also a huge flaw with the site where if your cursor hovers and or scans brisky by a profile...that profile will get a notice saying that that person(s) viewed their profile when perhaps they didn't.
Exactly! I find this an extremely annoying "feature" of the site.
Quote by trooper4
I always respond. I think if someone has taken the effort to send a message (no matter the content/lack of content), I think it's the polite thing to do, and it really doesn't take much time & or effort - in my opinion.
I think "politeness" is subjective. It depends a lot on your perspective.
You clearly welcome messages and therefore think it's polite to always respond. As a single male, you probably don't get the same number of messages that a couple or single female does (I also have a single female profile on here).
I do not welcome messages. I state that in our profile. I think it's extremely impolite when someone sends a message saying, "Saw that you viewed my profile. Wanna chat?" When I get bombarded by these, it really does take a lot of time and effort to respond. And if they can't take the time to read and respect our profile, then I don't see why I owe them any of my time.
There is nothing wrong with having different preferences and ways of using the site. The problem is when we expect others to use it the same way we do. I state our preferences in our profile. If someone doesn't respect that, I don't think it's impolite to ignore them.
Quote by HappyAgain
You can edit the text of the "wink" to customize the intro msg and notsing a very convenient option provided by the site...
I changed the subject on ours to "Wink" and the body to "If you are receiving this message, it's likely because we clicked the button by accident. Sorry about that."
I never have occasion to send a canned message to anyone.
