Why do people ghost

Rudeness is subjective. Politeness is subjective. Something that might be common courtesy to one person may be considered an unreasonable expectation by someone else's standards. Ghosting is generally considered rude. However, there are a number of valid reasons why people ghost.

Sometimes shit happens. On occasion, life throws so much shit at me that I can't help but drop a few balls. Some Internet stranger is likely one of the first things to get dropped. It's not intentional.

Sometimes I need to speak to my spouse before I respond and then I get sidetracked with life. Again, when life happens, some Internet stranger is likely one of the first things to get dropped. It's not intentional.

Sometimes the conversation fizzles out. It's clearly stated in my profile that I don't chit-chat online. If someone starts a message with a clear chit-chat opener, I ignore it completely. However, if someone asks a question about one of my events, for example, I will respond. If they attempt to shift the conversation into chit-chat, I go back to ignore. I could remind them of my boundaries, but why? I don't owe anyone my time and energy.

Sometimes people don't seem to get the message. Someone recently asked an unclear question that I thought was event related. When I asked for clarification, he immediately responded with an overtly sexual comeback. I told him that I do not meet anyone that I haven’t already gotten to know at events. He responded with, "When do you want to meet?" I could respond with a more blunt answer, but why? I don't owe anyone my time and energy.

I didn't always ghost on purpose. I used to respond. You know what? It always -- 100% of the time -- led to follow-up questions or nasty responses. Inevitably, when someone complains about being ghosted, they say that THEY wouldn't respond that way. Well, that may indeed be true, but the other person has absolutely no way of knowing that. Why should they risk their time and energy for some Internet stranger?

What are your thoughts on ghosting?

We get ghosted all the time, usually because I won't meet for sex right away. I'm still at the point you mentioned where I don't try to ghost people, but sometimes the follow up questions or comments just make you want to reach through the internet and smack them for being a troll. Things you know the person would never say to your face but it's ok because they are behind a screen.

We aren't opposed to meeting singles or couples, but so many just expect sex and right away. I'm not asking we spend months talking and certainly shouldn't have anything resembling love. But I'm still a human being so a conversation to get to know you a bit and to add some intellectual stimulation is nice.

As I've stated in other posts, I recommend getting out to meet and greet type events. People that attend those kind of events are looking to get to know people. If you want to chat online afterwards, that may be an option. Ask the people you meet if they are interested in that and want to exchange profile names or other means of contacting each other.

It's funny that you say that so many just expect sex and right away. In my experience, more people are seeking FWB than NSA. I think you are just more likely to come across the latter on sites like this. You are also likely to discover that a good percentage of those that claim to want sex right now will back out or not show if you actually tried to take them up on it.

I think we got ghosted for the 1st time. Being patient in hopes for an explanation that it wasn't ghosting can be hard, but maybe not worth the energy. It's hard to understand why it would happen when it takes 2 mins to say 'sorry, but no' or whatever else. When I was dating, I always at least stayed a goodbye. Don't know why people can't be up front. Sooner or later toh will run into them. Be respectful peeps! 

Ghosting happens all the time and usually when it comes time to meet. At that point everyone appears to be on the same page and looking for the same thing. I get that people can change their minds but a simple note saying so goes a long way. We're way more understanding if you come out and say that. Happened with us with a couple. Wife said she changed her mind and wasn't ready to meet. We were understanding and comforting that she changed it again and we eventually met. Not saying that this is going to happen all the time but the alternative of ghosting is down right rude and disrespectful.

we also do not swing at the first meeting, so we have found it much easier to have our first meeting at a club. Yes you may still get ghosted by the potential person but at least you will be somewhere that you most likely know people so its not so bad. Also if they do show up then everyone is in the correct frame of mind and you can Dance Flirt and get to know each other better.

Now in saying that I guess the original question was about ghosting, YES ghosting is very rude and unacceptable. If I ghosted a client at my job I would not be at my job, it takes 1 minute or less to send a message to someone saying you have to reschedule, but to not show up and not respond is absolutley unacceptable and for us unforgivable. Our two cents worth

We have been ghosted so many times, it's almost become the norm. 

But what's worse is to be stood up on a 1st meet, and then ghosted. 

That happened to us on 3 seperate occasions now. Almost made us quit this whole online thing, and save it for Hedo.

Be picky and very selective...spend time in chat or PM or idealy a group based instant messenger.  If its all good vibes then go with ur gut.  It will always be a gamble if ppl show or flake....even if you think you have a great perception some individuals and couples will still blindside you and flake out. We always chuckle if we get ghosted...reality is they just saved you wasting any more time on them. 

The community isnt as big as you think...people who regularly ghost..time waste and are no shows soon become known and word spreads. 

Best advice..don't let a few bad apples spoil things...there are so many genuine and amazing people in the lifestyle that far outweigh the idiots.  And when you hook up with the good ones you soon forget about the bad experiences and make lots of new GREAT ones!!

Excellent perspective. Thank you 

I think ghosting is an immature escape. Aren't we all adults..? Usually people have profiles and pics posted to be looked at..What do people do when they are out in public, and people look at them ( oh ya right those are probably the nice people that say " what the f**k are you looking at" ) lmao..So if someone says "hello" to you, and they're not good looking, or fit enough, do you just ignore them, and don't talk..(yup, you probably do), all it takes online is an acknowledgement (maybe, thanks) or a polite ( No thanks ).. It's just a respect thing.. Not everyone is a "stalker" or "weirdo" some people just truly enjoy sex with no BULLSHIT or GAMES.....Some people still do understand what "NO" means.

With that being said....HAPPY GHOSTING....

Used to be...lol...was that a positive like. ?  I hope I didn't offend you with my opinion..

Ghosting!!!!! Well that has happened to us way too often. This seems to be very coomon when it comes to swingers. People grow up and just be honest. If you changed your mind, we would respect that. Be polite and just let us know.  

At the end we are not loosing, we rent a hotel room and we enjoy each other.